It’s officially been one year since I first arrived in Ghana. How is that even possible? How can an entire year go by so quickly? Maybe it’s true what they say: it goes by faster the older you get…Or maybe for me it’s the nature of this past year…It certainly has been far different than anything I’ve ever experienced…
So before I apologize for absolutely sucking at blogging, I want to look back into this past year…
In one year’s time, I have: left everything I’ve known in favor of a new and exciting existence abroad; spent my last semester of University studying in Africa, baffled by the education system and endured extreme senioritis (that sounds much worse written than it was meant to :p); volunteered on a cocoa nursery and farm with an inspiring Ghanaian Reverend; actually struggled between the choice of attending Electric Forest with my closest friends or taking a job in Africa (should have been a no brainer right?); spent my summer working as a volunteer coordinator for a ridiculous amount of student volunteers and interns; returned home a quick tour around NC and stay in NY: the most incomplete feeling visit I’ve ever known; finally officially graduated college after a six month battle; I’ve literally moved to Ghana, in a new region, to develop a new volunteer/intern program for a Ghanaian NGO-which has turned out to be a fairly terrifying process…
I’ve met new friends who I love so dearly, said goodbye to them, only to meet new ones who I would again say goodbye to; an endless, sometimes depressing process. I’ve felt like I could never belong in a country-in a culture, and felt perfectly at home and accepted in that same culture. I’ve felt utterly hopeless and hopeful in the same breath. I’ve danced in the rain after suffering through the heat, after a month long water shortage. I’ve learned how to haggle with a taxi driver. I’ve had typhoid, sun poisoning, worms, a severe bacterial infection, colds (yep…in Africa..), and probably ten other sicknesses I’m forgetting. I’ve watched incredible sunsets from beaches and rooftops and between the concrete walls of town while riding home in a taxi. I’ve seen the way knowing even just a few words in Twi can brighten someone’s day and earn you a smile. I’ve learned to drum and have danced and laughed and beatboxed with and learned from Rastafarians. I’ve fallen completely in love with Ghanaian music and the way it is continuously playing everywhere and anywhere you go. I’ve swam in an ocean I thought I’d drown in after my brother threw me over his shoulder and dragged me in. I’ve entered a rural village and been greeted officially by the Chief and Elders. I’ve helped work hour upon hour (with typhoid) to create a soccer net out of recycled water sachets for that village. I’ve used modes of transportation, which should never have been deemed acceptable or safe (and prayed for my life the whole way). I’ve learned to cook wonderful new dishes and tasted food you could never pay me to touch again. I’ve felt completely inferior in dancing on a level previously incomprehensible. I’ve spent an afternoon laughing and eating brownie batter and peanut butter with a spoon, with one of my best US friends in Ghana, just because of our chocolate withdrawls and a serious case of homesickness/culture shock. I’ve watched Alice in Wonderland and The Nightmare Before Christmas and played Uno more times than you can dream of with the best little Ghanaian brother I could’ve ever asked for. I’ve fed monkeys bananas and learned to weave Kente cloth and dye Batik fabric and walked on a canopy high above the forest between the trees. I’ve experienced the most painful energy in a place within the walls of the Slave Trade Castle and on the slave’s Last Walk-something so intense, it literally feels like you’ve been punched in the stomach. But in this moment, I also discovered a Soul Sister to hold my hand so we didn’t have to go forward alone. I’ve met soul sisters and brothers from the US in Ghana-SoulJahs sent to me from Jah no doubt.
I’ve learned to hula hoop and bought an LED hoop to bring back with me to Ghana, along with as many glowing toys as I could find. I’ve talked more shit about the U.S. than ever before (impressive if you know me…), just trying to rid peoples’ minds of this notion that life in the U.S. is a walk in the park and that everyone is rich there. I’ve dislocated my elbow and went to a Bassnectar show anyways. I couch surfed my way through North Carolina, visiting my second family and some of the most incredible Star Children I’ll ever know. I’ve been tempted to say-screw all plans- and hop in a van headed for nowhere and everywhere at the same time-exploring the country with friends. I’ve attended a Ghanaian wedding and church. I spent my first Christmas and New Years away from home (I think it’s worth mentioning here: I spent the New Years countdown in the largest, most intense church service I’ve ever attended in my entire life, while people shouted their prayers for the New Year and danced and sang to welcome it when it arrived..a little different than last year?) I’ve attended funerals in both Ghana and the U.S. and watched people I care about deeply endure more pain than has ever been fair or necessary.
I’ve made friends with whom I could only speak a few basic words, and therefore learned the value of a smile. I’ve feared returning to a place I once called home and cried the entire flight, partially because I had learned to love my new home, partially because I knew I had changed more than I could process. I’ve feared returning back to this new home, saying goodbye again to the people and places I have grown up loving. I’ve drank too much and smiled harder and laughed harder and cried harder and missed people harder than ever before. I’ve seen some of the most difficult realities I could imagine, and also some of the most beautiful. Reached the highest highs and alternatively the lowest lows I’ve ever experienced. Cried useless tears about leaving a place I never thought I’d want to stay, only to end up finding them wasted when I landed a job (twice). I’ve feared for my life and prayed to God just to help me to the next day (or through the tro ride..). I’ve fallen completely in love with one of the most incredible people I’ve ever known-someone I continue to love more and more each day, someone I learn from constantly. I’ve found a new loving family within his family-one that I can’t stand to be away from any more than I can my own. I’ve deepened my Spiritual Journey and learned more about myself-both negative and positive. I’ve found myself, lost myself and found myself again. I’ve fearlessly stared life in the eye and embraced an entirely foreign way of life…Nope, that’s a life, I was absolutely terrified…but pressed forward anyways-probably more out of stubbornness than anything else…I’ve learned more lessons than I’ll ever truly be able to process. I’ve lived wide open.
Anyone who knows me, knows I’m terrible at communication. I’m bad at phone calls and facebook messages and texting and emailing and obviously blogging. But anyone who truly knows me, also knows that instead of writing, I’m out there living. And that’s something I refuse to apologize for.
It hasn’t been an easy year for anyone I know. And I believe there’s a reason for that. I think we’ve all been handed an opportunity to face down our past, face down our fears, face down the aspects of ourselves we don’t particularly love, and change it, learn from it. It’s never easy and the path is never clear, but it’s always worth the results. We were never created to remain stagnant-things will never stay the same. They are meant to change. There’s no end result-no day when things magically level out and become easy. Life isn’t meant to be that way. It’s a constant process of evolving, changing, growing, learning.
I sincerely hope every one of you has been living life to the fullest this 2013. If you haven’t, there’s no better time to start than right now. So many people hear my stories or stories of a fellow travelers’ and express their longing for such adventures. But the only thing holding you back is yourself. “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” I believe we can learn the most when we push ourselves outside our comfort zones, test our strength against the rip tide, place ourselves somewhere new and unfamiliar. You are bound to learn more about yourself and the world than you ever thought possible. And you’re sure as hell in for the ride of a lifetime…
Love and Light to You All.
Live Wide Open.
Wandering through Wonderland 